Gaslighting is a relatively new term, but even if you are unfamiliar with it, you are almost certainly faced with "soft" forms of the phenomenon: for example, when you recalled a certain incident to a friend, and the person convinced you that nothing happened.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological violence when one person manipulates another, tries to confuse him, distorts information so that a person begins to doubt the adequacy of his own perception and his memories. Of course, not every situation when a person convinces you that some event did not happen is a manifestation of violence: it is quite possible that he sincerely does not remember him. Nevertheless, gaslighting is the frequent use of abusers and a way to establish control over another person.

Its name was given to the play "Gas Light", on which in 1944 the eponymous film with Ingrid Bergman in the title role was shot. Bergman's husband, Gregory, convinces her that she is going crazy to hide her own crimes: he looks for jewels hidden in the house and turns on the light on the gas light.

Attic, so the other lamps in the house shine more dimly. When the heroine tells her husband about it, he insists that it seems to her, at the same time convincing her that she did something she doesn't remember, isolates her from other people - in the end, the heroine thinks that she loses her mind.

Gas-lighting is primarily associated with the partnership - it often becomes one of the elements of violence in relationships. It is one of the "tools" of the abusers who seek to control their passion: for example, when a person hurts the partner's feelings or hurts him/her, he/she can use "harmless" phrases like "You're not reacting adequately", "It was just a joke" or "Relax!" to make the partner feel guilty about the "wrong" and "overreacting. Another frequent example is cheating when one of the partners convinces the other that nothing is really happening.

The purpose of gaslighting is to change a person's perception of reality, to make them doubt their own version of what is happening and their memories. It can take many different forms: for example, an abuser can deny facts ("I couldn't say that you're making it up"), devalue the emotions of the other ("Please be calm") or emphasize that the partner doesn't understand what's going on ("Is it normal to cry like that in such a simple situation?").

In psychoanalyst Robin Stern's book "The Gaslight Effect" there is a checklist - twenty signs that may indicate a gas rating. For example, if you constantly apologize to your partner, parents or boss, if you are worried that you are "not good enough" for them before you return home you convulsively check if you have forgotten something that may make him angry, justify him to your friends and relatives all the time, and much more.

The purpose of gaslighting is to make a person doubt their own version of what is happening and their memories.